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LETTER TO MY NEXT- THE REPLY

               BABY DOLL,

(can i call you that?) Where have you been all my life?! What took you so long

to reach out to me?(Yes,dear thats what you did). I have been so wealthy and so lonely

half  of my life. Yeah mum left when i was an infant and i inherited Dad’s multimillion business

empire when i barely knew what business meant. A lot of ladies have flocked in and out of my life.

I mean posh ones. They just never were able to keep my attention. Those who tried to suck me dry

developed blisters because the money is virtually inexhaustible. Dont get me wrong, im not blinded by

my riches,im just trying to tell you that with me,you got security. You love jewellry. That says a lot about

just how much financial security means to you.

Like a puzzle, you fit into my life already.Allow me a few minutes of fame to tell you why fit in my life. The bible i own now is the only treasure  i retrieved from my mother’s coffer. On the first page she had scribbled “map of life, dont go anywhere without it.” I have stuck to that.  I am very busy myself,and need someone to go home to after every successful day. Further more, i love challenges. So winning your heart from your current boyfriend is one adventure i am excited to embark on. So you see, baby girl, the odds are in my favour.

I love a lady that will be at “our” poolside, sipping champagne, in the hottest bikini ever made  when i return home. So as concerns being skimpy, please darling, be my guest.Rest assured, id inform you if im coming home with friends. i trade in diamond and gold.Your jewellery wish is my lightning speed command.

I guess this far, i should have bought my way into your good books. Now here’s what i want. A woman that will not take my jokes too

seriously. I love a lady that is not too afraid to rock the boat. Also,You dont need to give me the attitude when i forget to do what i promised. Im only human with more-than-my-brain-can-carry information going through my head. Please start dressing up 2hours prior to the time set for us to go out. I hate showing up late for anything. kindly delete the phrase “i told you!” that wouldnt make me listen to you any better next time.

Please dont nag if i get lost while driving. Id endeavour to get gps installed,by the way. You dont need to make me feel guilty when i withdraw sometimes, men need alone time to their thoughts,to sort things out. Dont feel left out.Sooner or later,when its sorted out,id still let you in on what went down. When i apologise to you, im truly sorry. You actually dont need to make me beg.

Genuinely tolerate me. Pamper me every so often; Im just a man( a boy with big muscles and big responsibilities).Id love to sense that you are happy i am home. Show it. Meet me at the door.  Share your negative feelings in a centered way without blaming,rejecting or being disapproving of me. At the end of the day, when i have loved and trusted you all you want, my ego is all i have left. Dont bruise it. Recognise my God-given Lordship over you; its the unspoken rule that im superior baby.  Finally when i marry you, stick to me. Delete the number of this guy you have bragged about so much. I dont believe that exes should be friends!Not  like that,and definitely not my wife’s.

When you are done reading this letter, just send me a one word reply saying “yes” and i will give you a million more reasons to be with me. This was just a reply to your letter. I actually have a surprise for you….

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LETTER TO MY NEXT.

 DEAR NEXT,

Im writing you this letter on a cold saturday evening. I am relaxed and in an indifferent mood.This means 

 i am thinking clearly. what im about to tell you here has been

intently thought out. 

I am probably the most misunderstood person i know. I love my long legs,

and i love to bare them;people think i dress skimpily to get attention. My breasts are fat and are therefore conspicuous no matter what i wear. Again,people call my blouses indecent. Show me a girl that doesnt like some decolletage! *sigh*

 I grew up in a culture where the more jewellery you wore,the more presentable you are.

 Sadly,in this part of the world where i find myself now,the ring on my nose is undisputable sign of waywardness.

Im just saying this,so you have an idea of my dress sense; precisely,what my desired appearance is.

My quietness is taken for snobbishness. And when i laugh,they think im a crazy loud b***h. 

I hope when you’ll decide that you like me,you can overlook all these,and preferably understand them. You dont have to worry,i can wear knee length skirts, and ankle length jeans and leggings .

Well, now that you have an overview of what i look like, let me tell you what i need. I need  love. Unconditional, reasonable love. I dont need you to call me 12 hours a day, or text me 20 times per hour. This is because im 

not idle and jobless. i have things to do, and sometimes,dont need to 

be interrupted.

I  need true trust from you. If you call my phone and i dont pick,do not start making 

ideas in your head that im avoiding you,or that im with someone else and thats why im ignoring your calls.

When i say i cant make it for a date initially,dont make a fuss.i most definitely have a reason.

If a guy walks up to me when we are out,dont wear me out with questions.You arent the only man i know .

When my i get off a call,suppress the urge to ask me who just called.If it is relevant to you,id

tell you before you even look my way.Not that i wouldnt tell you just because…

Love me so much you want to marry me even though i doubt my present boyfriend would 

ever give you the chance by leaving me. 😛 . Yes buy me gifts even when its not my birthday. Send me 

flowers just to be novel-romantic,though that doesnt matter to me. Take me

to fun places just for relaxation.Ever so often,tell me how much you

love me,and how lost you are without me and show me some care.Involve me in your world.

Dont be too macho and try to keep your worries away from me.Im keen.I’d notice. And lest i forget, “you wont understand”

is the worst thing to tell me. You dont have to be rude to me in anger either.

If you ever happen to cheat,i dont need your confession.May you choke on your guilt.

In my next letters,id tell you more private things but let me tell you the easiest way to bond with

me: pray with me.Thats the easiest way to totally win my trust and love. A man 

that prays is by far the most attractive trait according to me. And last but not least,look good. I really dont 

care about the four letter word call swag. Just be suave. 

The first day i tell you i love you,believe me totally.Some words dont come out easy. When i say i 

miss you,run to me and comfort me. Just be yourself. Thats what i long for-uniqueness.

Truth be told,i hope i never have to meet you. Because i love the man im with

at the moment. Don’t spoil his show! 😉 

SADLY I LOVE HIM (3***)

 SO you think you are the baddest girl alive.You know he is taken,yet you want him as much.You even try hard to prove to him that you are better than her. Okay lets assume you are the ”no commitment” type. You are with him just for the benefits. No doubt.some days,he acts like he is actually into you.He asks you to stay just a little longer. He calls you just a little more often. He tells you nice things and buys you nice gifts. You see, in as much as you ”please his senses”, he’s got history with her which he honours. Unlike the myth that guys are scared of commitment,a good percentage of them actually are loyal to the bonds they have formed with their significant other. And stray as they may,they protect those ties and dont want it broken on their account.

  Before long,you realise that your nonchalance is gone and it actually hurts to see him hold her hand, or stare into her eyes. You become more fragile and vulnerable. It stings to hear her name.the sight of him annoys you as much as you want to have him.You see,my dear, a relationship is between two people who are exclusive with each other. Three is a crowd. Therefore, if you are not bitchy enough to use your feminine wiles to ”obtain” him from her absolutely, do yourself a favour and take a bow. After all is said and done,he is just another guy.He wouldnt mind eating his cake and having it and like manna from heaven,you came in handy, you fanned his ego and fed his libido. Wise up girl! Too bad,woman folk was wired to be unnecessarily emotional. You came in as conqueror,now you have been conquered. Its time to let go,but sadly you love him…..hisssssssssss!!!

SADLY I LOVE HIM (2)

  His name begins with the letter “O”. And for everytime i look at him,i say Oh my God. i can hardly believe he is mine. He is tall. He is handsome. He calls me baby. He’s got class. He’s got taste. He aims high. He cares about me.He cares for me. He tells me goodmorning and goodnight 7days a week. He flaunts me amidst his friends. He isnt afraid to say he loves me in public.  He calls my mum,and wants to be friends with my siblings.He is true to me, and he protects me.

Yet he is over possessive. Everything i do feeds his skepticism. Everything i say has a second meaning in his mind. His ego is so huge,its consuming me. He also got a temper that sparks like damp firewood. His words are so sharp they cut right through my lungs. Im always out of breath when he is angry. I get confused most of the times we have a tiff and i wonder if the english i speak sounds like greek.

My emotional switch has refused to flip to ”off”. Because he is always there for me.Despite all he does, i cant get over him. i say i want out very inaudibly,so that i can easily bail out of another tantrum.I know he loves me, but his expression of love is so contrary to mine. He feels he is loving me, but he is hurting me beyond reason. I wish he could learn to speak my primary love language.

I normally am not tolerant to this kind of treatment,but i love him too much to leave him….i know he can change.At least he doesnt hit me.*sigh*

SADLY I LOVE HIM….

 

He isnt spectacular,but he is handsome.

His nails are well groomed and his hair neatly shaven.

His shirts are crisp and you can literally see your reflection on his shiny shoes.

His suits are tailored to fit and the smell of his perfume confuses my nerves.

On weekends, when he rolls his sleeves,he looks impeccable.

His designer sunshades accentuate his beautiful nose.

His muscles are well toned. Dear me,what a tidy fella.

  He lives three blocks away from me and i see him every blessed day.

Most times he doesnt notice me,but not a day passes and i dont look out for his entry or exit.

Yes i have monitored him so much,i can tell when he is leaving for or returning from work.

I cant describe my joy the day he exchanged pleasantries with me.Oh my he  has a space between his incisors.

And he is jovial too. The sultry tone in his voice… His accent… he is very refined. Gosh im beginning to dream about him.

Two more encounters and i had him on bbm. I had to try so hard not to tell him good morning daily.

please dont blame me,who doesnt like good things?

We became friends and he was easy going .Very civil too. He thought i was interesting and funny.

Over time, when he got back from work,he will call me and say “im around,come and say hi”

Funny enough he never asked me if i was single or married.I wasnt gonna be pompous,so i didnt either.

Then one day his blackberry status said” cant wait for her to get here”.

My heart beat tripled.I was too scared to hear the truth if i will be disadvantaged by it.

I didnt ask.In short,i was so jealous i didnt ping him for the rest of the week.

And to think his statuses kept referring to her!

Exactly ten days later (yes i was counting) on his return that evening, ”she”  alights from his car.

He does same,comes around to her side,lifts her,and mehhhhn! all that PDA is what he used to do in my dreams!

Well, he didnt leave the house that week end and i didnt ping him.

On monday,he called me and said he had a contract for me.

Ok. So im going to plan his wedding.How lovelorn can i have been?

I dont hate her. I just dislike her. Cos she is having all i wanted. But id still give her the perfect ceremony.

Because ,i love him.I love him,and she got him. **sigh**

PLIGHT OF A SUCCESSFUL WOMAN.

 

I am the middle child in a family of 5 chidren.Junior sister to two boys and senior to 2 girls

My name is Lara,and i am single at 33,against my wish. i graduated with a 1st class degree in  business administration from a federal University.2years down the road,i got my masters degree in human resource management from a reputable institution in the UK. While in  the UK,i applied online for a job in one of the high brow banks in Nigeria. I was immediately offered employment due to my brilliant results. I came to Nigeria well settled. A chauffeur driven Prado,a well furnished catered-to house in Lekki,an obesed salary and life insurance. Are you still in doubt?Life felt good.I was exactly where i wanted to be at that point of my life. I was obsessed with the idea of performing well in order to get me up the hierarchy of the top managers sooner than later,that i made little or no time to socialise.thank God i managed to make it to church some Sundays.

At 25, I managed to bribe my mother out of pressuring me to marry whenever she saw me in the bridal train of my friends,or when we attended a relative or family friend’s wedding.i had the money to throw around,so id buy her a gift, smile and say “mum, dont worry,id outshine them all.Just let me be settled.You know at this point,my job is so demanding.i wouldnt have time for kids and all. she’d frown and succomb”

 3years down the road came my epiphany. Timi,my 18 months’ boyfriend showed up at my office .Said he came to tell me he had had enough. He couldnt take anymore of my unavailabilty.He sited that it was 7pm and i was still at work. I often stood him up on dates, i am insensitive to his needs, and i do not value the gifts he offers me,because i feel i can get myself better stuff. Woaaah! i was oblivious of all these accusations.But for my beautiful crystal wall clock i had purchased from Dubai last september during a business trip which read 7:45 pm, i would have argued that too. Well,what have i to lose,i thought.i mingle with the high and mighty and could get me a better suitor than this little millionaire making mockery of my achievements.i am beautiful and appealing,i wouldnt dignify this young man by begging him… ” i thought you understand,Timi….” i began to stutter then i stopped almost abruptly and said “wait a minute,what happened to your phone? Did u really have to come all the way here,5 floors up to vomit this rubbish?couldnt you call me?” i snapped. He smiled as if to say good riddance and strolled out of my office without a word. i slumped in my comfortable leather chair.What had just happened? I was a hardened spinster once again.Oh my God,my mum will deafen me, i thought.

                                       

Dont be silly,of course yes,i cried him an ocean-the pacific to be precise.My good friend Anita asked me to get back into the dating-o-sphere.She made it a point of duty to drag me with her to social functions.Comedy shows, musical concerts,and all types of parties.She will come to my office at the close of day and tell me the newest restaurant,lounge or hotel in town we will be visiting for the night. Yes there were many elligible bachelors everywhere i went.Cute, rich, polished. They would throw admiring glances my way,but it seemed there was an invisible body guard around me warding them off. I didnt seem to understand .This happened for Over a year . Those who were courageous enough to come close never seemed to call back after a date.

 My wake up call came not long after that.When Bola our last born called my phone ecstatically.There was so much noise in the background.I heard her say “i said yes!!!!!” huh? Yes to what Bola,i asked,confused. “Chris proposed” she screamed and before i could return from my reverie to congratulate my favourite sibling,she had hung up in excitement. On her wedding day,i was as excited outside as i was torn apart inside. During the reception, my mum trailed me to the ladies,where she met me trying to touch up my make up,ruined by tears. She smiled a knowing smile and said “i have the answer”. I frowned.Not again,mum. She blocked me and said “listen to me for once.just  listen and dont interrupt. Look in the mirror. your watch is rolex. Your shoes are louboutin. You smell of limited edition D&G. you have 22karat jewelry on.Your handbag is customised Louis Vuitton.You car doesnt use a key. Your office is on the 5th floor and the protocol to get up there is enough to discourage anyone from visiting you. she sighed and breathed in.Just your appearance is scaring potential suitors away.You look extremely high maintainance.You seem too made and over independent that men would feel you cant listen to them,talk less of submit to them in matrimony. You dont go out and when you do,you stick to the VIP zone.There, most of the people you relate with are the self made established bigger boys ,most of whom are already settled. Lara, Lara,Lara! cut down.Tone it down,my baby girl.” Oh no,i ruined the make up even worse this time. “I have gone too far down this road to turn back now,mum. How do i start?i dont even know how to do things another way…” i sobbed. She held me close and said id be alright.

That same moment,my phone vibrated.It was a message from the my company.I had been made  manager of a branch of our bank in Amsterdam.And i was to resume office in a fortnight.Yes i hissed.This achievements,after all were the primary cause of my plight.Blessing or curse? i breathed out loud… If you were in my shoes, what will you do concerning this promotion?My name is Lara,and i am single at 33,against my wish.

 

MY PROSPECTIVE WIFE.

I wouldn’t settle for less.No never.And don’t get me twisted. im not searching for perfect. I need a perfect blend of human-and-divine. Yes,simply put,i want the
simplest yet indispensable form of love,packaged in every curve.
  Dont tell me beauty is vain,and character is everything,because duh!when i sight
her for the first time,she’s gotta catch my eye.And she needs to be able to keep me
captivated even after i wife her.They say men fall in love through their eyes,why on
earth would i be the exception.I need a woman who on her worst day still looks 
effortlessly elegant.That would give me a reason to not be mesmerized by those sexy chicas 
out there! I need her to look good,smell good,TASTE good! A woman’s heart should be so buried in God that a man has got to seek Him to 
find her.Nothing is of higher value than a word of encouragement backed by scripture
and spoken by the lips i love to kiss.I need the Eve to my Adam.She gotta be my
soul mate in communion and fellowship with the One who gave her my rib.
  She’s gotta be educated.yeah  i want me a boss lady.Bills are crazy these 
days,im gonna need some assistance.Not withstanding,she has to be sub-
missive.Its my divine right to Lord over her,so long as she remains the neck,im cool with being the head of the house.    I need a LADY that will mother my kids and wife me.So what if its a rocket 
age we live in?There should be a fine line between home and office.Thats why i 
need her to be ready and willing to venture into this life long journey with me.
    I need a lady who understands me.Who knows me like the back of her hand.
Who trusts me,who believes in me.You cant tell me you love me unconditionally if you cant 
have my back. And you definitely cant have my back if you do not have the above for me.
    I need a loyal PARTNER.One who can stand in,and stand up for me.One that defends me
and makes me feel like the world’s greatest.One that will make me wonder why i spent
 so many years as a bachelor.One that gives me reason to rush back home from 
work each day.One that cannot be compared to my mum,because their qualities 
overlap.One that takes over from where my mum left off.A woman so strong im 
not afraid to let down my defenses and cry in her bossom when storms arise.
The type of partner that says ”Boo,i got this” when i dont know how to proceed
in a situation.One admired by peers and foes.Thats the kind of girl i dream to marry.
      When all is said and done,i wanna marry my friend.My  very best friend.I wanna place gold on the finger of she that will be with me 80 years from now and will have 
kept me happy and sane every step of the way.I need the ying to my yang.My first baby,
My last love.So help me God.