Archive | July 2012

BEFORE ITS TOO LATE…

Hi my darlings.Its the last monday of the month.I hope you can all gladly say you spent July well. I must say this year has been rather too fast. Please does anyone know where  years past go to? However it went, id like to remind you that things can only get better from here.Keep being positive.

   Today i want us to discuss something  really important>>> Domestic violence and abuse in relationships. People are suffering and smiling all around the globe because they just cant muster the courage to get up and leave. They feel there is too much at stake and they stand to loose much if they leave.Worse still, the fear of the unknown wont let them budge. The relationship they find themselves in is the only way they know how to live their lives. I would like to dwell on abuse in relationships in a future  post. But for today, lemme share with y’all some poem i found. All id say is a word to the wise is sufficient. Pack up and go before its too late. We often regret the things we didnt do more than those we did…

I GOT FLOWERS TODAY
Dedicated to all battered women
By Paulette Kelly

I got flowers today!
It wasn’t my birthday or any other special day.
We had our first argument last night. And he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt.
I know that he is sorry and didn’t mean to say the things he said
Because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today
It wasn’t our anniversary or any other special day.
Last night he threw me into a wall and then started choking me.
It seemed like a nightmare, but you wake up from nightmares to find they aren’t real.

I got flowers today!
It wasn’t Valentine’s Day or any other special day.
Make up and long sleeves didn’t hide the cuts and bruises this time.
I couldn’t go to work because I didn’t want anyone to know – but I know he’s sorry
Because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today!
And it wasn’t Mother’s Day or any other special day.
Last night he beat me again, and it was much worse than all the other times.
If I leave him now, what will I do? How will I take care of the kids? What about money?
I’m afraid of him, but I’m too scared and dependent to leave him. But he must be sorry
Because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today…
Today was a very special day – It was the day of my funeral.
Last night he finally killed me – I was beaten to death.
If only I would have gathered the courage and strength to leave him.
The women’s shelter could have helped me, but I didn’t ask for their help.
So I got flowers today…for the last time.

msfati

Dear Readers, you know that over the moon, swelling head, big smile feeling you have when the day you have been waiting for has finally come. That’s how I felt. It wasn’t my wedding day before you start to think of that. While in school, I had buried myself in my books. My eyes carried “large Ghana must go bags” under them from sleepless nights of studying. I spent my leisure time reading novels and taking GRE practice questions. I found it very interesting and I had a partner that liked it too so we just sat together to ask each other questions and marvel at the new words we had just learnt. That was my form of hanging out. I had my first boyfriend in my fourth year in school. I met him in the library; he was a Masters student in University of Lagos and came to do…

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i can’t wait to die.

 “Yes i mean it doctor, and remember my wife mustn’t hear about it. Never!” I said between 

heart wrenching, rib cracking coughs. Everyday that passed, my now very pale skin reminded me how tired i was of this hospice. This is so not me. At 35, i looked like a  78year old man. I couldnot stand on my own feet and i needed help to do everything, every step of the the way, day after day.

    My hair had fallen off,and my eyes were blood shot. My once very fair hairy skin was ashen and wrinkled. What a shame. My beautiful princess, the pride of my life now looked like a woman in her mid forties, no thanks to me. At 32 she had lost 2 children, had to look after the only surviving one with chronic asthma, and i wasn’t making it any easier for her.

     The dreaded call came when she was pregnant for our third baby. I got a call from the hospital saying an emergency abortion had to be carried out because the foetus wouldn’t make it through the gestation. It was a girl. Her lungs had failed to develop or rather will be terribly deformed should she make it to birth.At 5months, she had to leave the world before she even saw it. I asked how that was possible even though the answer was in my pocket .White london  cigarette! that was how! My wife  had become a passive smoker, courtesy of my smoking a minimum of 15 cigarettes daily anywhere and everywhere unless i saw a “no smoking” sign. 

Our first born died from  Lower respiratory tract illness at fifteen months old. My wife Lizzy broke down and though she didnt admit it,she hated me. It was clear from the looks she gave me when i picked up my lighter.Yes i had killed our first fruit,i was sorry, but i was far from being different! I tried my best to smoke in her absence but soon returned to my old self when she became pregnant again (for our now only surviving child ). 7 months after Jason was born, he was diagnosed with bronchitis and  chronic middle ear disease all caused again by the sins of the father. My son will take more drugs daily than i had taken my entirely life.I was already too messed up to stop.     

I had been diagnosed with  severe lung disease and hid it from wifey. “Smoke from tobacco damages the airways in the lungs, making it difficult to breathe out carbon dioxide. Damage to the lungs caused by the chemicals in tobacco smoke can make a person feel short of breath.Carbon monoxide is forced into the blood, preventing the cells in the body’s tissues and organs from getting enough of the oxygen they need to function. Breathing in secondhand smoke can also cause lung disease” Said my Doctor.He had only been speaking    

for a minute, but i felt like he had just given me a life long speech. In my head,my life had ended. I decided what i was going to include in my will already. My heart went out to my beautiful wife. I hope she remarries a month after my burial in a bid to wash off the bliss-turned-chagrin i had offered throughout matrimony.  Passive smokers (those living among smokers who themselves do not smoke) are liable to lung cancer,aggravated respiratory conditions such as asthma and bronchitis and worst off,heart disease. I had given her worse than physical heart disease which she infact didnt contact.I was going to leave her a widow with heart ache,emotional turmoil  and a constant reminder of my selfishness which is our sick son she will have to cater to 24/7.

 

What began as a teenage indulgence became an adult addiction that caused me all i ever worked for. I chose the easy way out- signing the DNR( Do not Resuscitate)  order  meaning that i do not want to be resuscitated with CPR or other means should my breathing or heart stop . Call me coward, but i couldnot afford to continue putting my beautiful tender wife through the heart break of seeing me like this.Not after all the damage i had  already caused her in the last few years we had been married.

As a matter of fact,Exposure to environmental tobacco smoke (ETS) increases the risk of respiratory symptoms and lower respiratory tract illness in children, and it also increases the frequency and severity of asthma symptoms. There is evidence that parental smoking causes acute and chronic middle ear disease. Sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) is associated with exposure to ETS. The majority of children’s exposure to ETS takes place in the home.

The effects of passive smoking are not limited to benign ailments. Analysis of chemicals in the urine of women who live with smokers demonstrates that tobacco smoke carcinogens, are absorbed by non-smokers from second-hand smoke. Women who live with smokers absorb five to six times more chemicals linked to lung cancer than do women who live with non-smokers. The risk of wives developing lung cancer doubled when the husbands smoked over twenty cigarettes a day.


 

anger ,they say, is one letter away from danger…

Dandy & Cray

A Professor was teaching about Proverbs 15: 1. He asked his students, ‘why do we shout in anger? Why do people shout at each other when they are upset?’ The students thought for a while, One said, “because we lose our calm”. “But why shout when the other person is just next to you?” asked the professor. “Isn’t it possible to speak to him or her with a soft voice? Why do you shout at a person when you are angry?” The students gave some answers but none satisfied the Professor.
Finally he explained, “when two people are angry at each other, there is a distance in their hearts psychologically. To cover the distance, they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will shout to hear each other through that great distance”. Then the Professor asked, “What happens when two people…

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LETTER TO MY NEXT- THE REPLY

               BABY DOLL,

(can i call you that?) Where have you been all my life?! What took you so long

to reach out to me?(Yes,dear thats what you did). I have been so wealthy and so lonely

half  of my life. Yeah mum left when i was an infant and i inherited Dad’s multimillion business

empire when i barely knew what business meant. A lot of ladies have flocked in and out of my life.

I mean posh ones. They just never were able to keep my attention. Those who tried to suck me dry

developed blisters because the money is virtually inexhaustible. Dont get me wrong, im not blinded by

my riches,im just trying to tell you that with me,you got security. You love jewellry. That says a lot about

just how much financial security means to you.

Like a puzzle, you fit into my life already.Allow me a few minutes of fame to tell you why fit in my life. The bible i own now is the only treasure  i retrieved from my mother’s coffer. On the first page she had scribbled “map of life, dont go anywhere without it.” I have stuck to that.  I am very busy myself,and need someone to go home to after every successful day. Further more, i love challenges. So winning your heart from your current boyfriend is one adventure i am excited to embark on. So you see, baby girl, the odds are in my favour.

I love a lady that will be at “our” poolside, sipping champagne, in the hottest bikini ever made  when i return home. So as concerns being skimpy, please darling, be my guest.Rest assured, id inform you if im coming home with friends. i trade in diamond and gold.Your jewellery wish is my lightning speed command.

I guess this far, i should have bought my way into your good books. Now here’s what i want. A woman that will not take my jokes too

seriously. I love a lady that is not too afraid to rock the boat. Also,You dont need to give me the attitude when i forget to do what i promised. Im only human with more-than-my-brain-can-carry information going through my head. Please start dressing up 2hours prior to the time set for us to go out. I hate showing up late for anything. kindly delete the phrase “i told you!” that wouldnt make me listen to you any better next time.

Please dont nag if i get lost while driving. Id endeavour to get gps installed,by the way. You dont need to make me feel guilty when i withdraw sometimes, men need alone time to their thoughts,to sort things out. Dont feel left out.Sooner or later,when its sorted out,id still let you in on what went down. When i apologise to you, im truly sorry. You actually dont need to make me beg.

Genuinely tolerate me. Pamper me every so often; Im just a man( a boy with big muscles and big responsibilities).Id love to sense that you are happy i am home. Show it. Meet me at the door.  Share your negative feelings in a centered way without blaming,rejecting or being disapproving of me. At the end of the day, when i have loved and trusted you all you want, my ego is all i have left. Dont bruise it. Recognise my God-given Lordship over you; its the unspoken rule that im superior baby.  Finally when i marry you, stick to me. Delete the number of this guy you have bragged about so much. I dont believe that exes should be friends!Not  like that,and definitely not my wife’s.

When you are done reading this letter, just send me a one word reply saying “yes” and i will give you a million more reasons to be with me. This was just a reply to your letter. I actually have a surprise for you….

BIG BROTHER AFRICA- GAME OF GUILE.

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The cash prize is huge.The luxury in the house is  tantalising. The laxity is refreshing to everyone.

The tasks enable contestants to dig deep within themselves and bring out the creative energy most didn’t even know they possessed. The Saturday nights give some the opportunity to party

Poshly  for the first time. Yet in the long run,the boredom makes most do stupid things.

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      However, the real bone of contention is the ability of the game to show the true nature of the human  heart : Desperately wicked and savage. Monday nominations bring out the rancour people

hold for others. Funny enough, some people would nominate others,not because they are a competition to them,but because they “do not click “ with them. How foolish. And upon leaving the  chat/diary room, you are forbidden to reveal who you put on the chopping block.Its appalling how you will walk right up to that same person u gave a judas kiss to, smile at them, and even make conversation with them!

  People form alliances and come up with strategies to bring about others’ downfalls. Some give you smiles during the day, get information out of you about your life,your story, and at night, they

Slander you, they disrobe you in front of others. Some knock peoples’ heads to make their way to the top. Others are simply as cunning as tortoises. Like slow poison, they win you over,they entice you.Then they find fault in you, just to get an excuse to stab you in the face.  Kimberly from Zambia is a classic example. My, did she use feminine wiles to finish Nicholas and even Lomwe. I

Wonder if she can get a trust-filled relationship after that show.  Then you have some very confused personalities who even at the end of the game cannot define who they are. That is just a

result of not being oneself. Very often, getting into amorous relationships in the house jeopardise your strategy if u had one, or twist your game. Few like Kevin Pam-Elizabeth and Mwisho-meryl  couples thrived.I wonder what the former are upto thus far. We all have witnessed  serviceable  Goldie

earn sly remarks from Prezzo behind her back.Thank God the scales fell off her eyes. And to

re-iterate my point of deceit, he puts her up for eviction once he gets the chance. How shamed he will be to find out she didn’t return the favour.

 One thing i noticed is that visitors come in once in a while, recreational and social activities are made available, but never for once have i witnessed a religious pretence from the organisers.Correct me if im wrong. I am not questioning them, but doesn’t God matter there? 

  Little wonder Nigeria’s Karen Igho is so laudable. Her twitter page @karen_igho is flooded with praises from fans who wish they could have her BACK on their screens.No doubt, we all hated how confrontational she could be, but lets face it,thats one person who didn’t have an agenda. Her strategy was to be true to herself and her purple chair in which she found solace. She knew how disliked she was,yet she didn’t bother replacing anyone when she was head of house. She selflessly sacrificed herself. Funny enough,she had no idea how much Africa loved her. 

  Now everyone began to wonder why boring wendall won over hyperactive,funny, smart,intelligent and arrogant Luclay. Didnt he play the game well?

   Well on a lighter note, i like to think that biggie as he is fondly called is playing god. Reason being that they do not see him, yet they follow his instructions,and most of the time obey him. They believe him most of the time and depend on him for as long as they stay in the house.some come to love and trust him and tell him their biggest secrets.They tell him what they do not want others to know. And sometimes,they carry out missions for him;mostly mischievous though. Dear reader, im not insinuating anything,and i beseech thee not to draw any conclusions from this paragraph, or quote me.lol.

       I’d like to close my reflection with a question; when all is said and done, is the money worth

The drama? Funny enough, this game has no first runner up. So only the ultimate winner gets

the cash. Yes you get the fame, but on getting out,and back to reality, you don’t get contracts upon blinking or snapping your fingers. Was it necessary to embarrass yourself that much?

On that note, id advice future contestants to maintain/preserve their values.  MERCI


Ps 28:1
“Unto Thee will I cry, O Lord my rock; be not silent to me: lest, if Thou be silent to me, I become like them that go down into the pit.” –Psalm 28:1

A cry is the natural expression of sorrow, and a suitable utterance when all other modes of appeal fail us; but the cry must be alone directed to the Lord, for to cry to man is to waste our entreaties upon the air. When we consider the readiness of the Lord to hear, and His ability to aid, we shall see good reason for directing all our appeals at once to the God of our salvation. It will be in vain to call to the rocks in the day of judgment, but our Rock attends to our cries.

“Be not silent to me.” Mere formalists may be content without answers to their prayers, but genuine suppliants cannot; they are not satisfied with the results of prayer itself in calming the mind and subduing the will–they must go further, and obtain actual replies from heaven, or they cannot rest; and those replies they long to receive at once, they dread even a little of God’s silence. God’s voice is often so terrible that it shakes the wilderness; but His silence is equally full of awe to an eager suppliant. When God seems to close His ear, we must not therefore close our mouths, but rather cry with more earnestness; for when our note grows shrill with eagerness and grief, He will not long deny us a hearing. What a dreadful case should we be in if the Lord should become for ever silent to our prayers? “Lest, if Thou be silent to me, I become like them that go down into the pit.” Deprived of the God who answers prayer, we should be in a more pitiable plight than the dead in the grave, and should soon sink to the same level as the lost in hell. We must have answers to prayer: ours is an urgent case of dire necessity; surely the Lord will speak peace to our agitated minds, for He never can find it in His heart to permit His own elect to perish.